resentment, the silent killer

My resentments are holding me back, killing my dreams.
Moving ahead is impossible.
Cries of pain, tears of humiliation tug at my shoulders and waist
craving attention and resolution.
I hate those people, I hate those things.
And I feel it over and over and over again.
Refeeling, re-sentiment, resentment.
Over and over I hate.
I resent Judas and Weasel and Lower-Than-Dirt.
Hard to even think of Miss C.
The look of hatred in her eyes mirrored mine.
And I see it again and again, as charged today as it was so many months ago.
Painful to feel again. Heart-stabbing pain, in fact.
The remedy is to fully feel, fully express, fully accept, fully forgive.
Forget? Doubtful. But you never know.
After all the work is done to erase resentment, memory fades.
Without the sharpness of the pain, memory loses its currency.
So resentment keeps the past current.
A logjam of feelings dams me. It blocks the present flow.
Hardly optimal experience or even Good Orderly Direction.
How can I be in "the flow" with such obstructions?
Of my own making is this dam, with its carefully stacked and sorted hurts and hates and angers.
And yet it has an aura of neglect. Little visited, barely smoothed.
Sharp edges jut out harshly, nicking and cutting my heart at every infrequent pass.
So shall I dismantle this home-made wall, take down the fortress, risk the wounds already endured?
That is the point, isn't it? The worst has already happened.
Refeeling can never be as bad as the catastrophic and unanticipated original feeling.
My mind tells me differently. "It will kill you!"
My heart tells the truth. "These resentments are killing you - and your future."